My Church Visiting Odyssey

Why is it that when you visit a secular non-Christian group, most of the time you are accepted and connect right away? But when you visit a church, it can take years to connect, if you connect at all and decide to stay. I realize that some of you will think I am a bit critical in this post. But we need to understand that a non-believer might only visit once or twice and we cannot squander our opportunities. I don't believe each individual church member is to be held responsible for knowing how to approach visitors. This is something tha needs to be set up by churches and include people who have a real desire for this type of ministry. As I said in my opening sentence, it is just too tragic that often, secular organizations seem to know how to welcome newcomers, but churches fail so badly at this.

In all four of the churches I visited, at no time outside the worship did I hear Jesus mentoned and at no time was there any explanation of what it meant to be a Christian or how to become one. There were no "invitations" to "accept" Christ, which I know will make many readers happy. And, I don't mind that but I do mind nothing being said at all. For some people, this might be their only time at a church. 25 years ago, it would be difficult for someone to visit an evangelical church and NOT hear the gospel. But today, the gospel is offensive. And, both Jesus and Paul said it would be. So I guess we shouldn't be surprised, but still sad when it's the church who is offended.

This summer I decided to visit some other churches to see what was happening in evangelical land in my area (S. Cal). I went alone to three churches and with a friend to a fourth one. The big challenge for churches is how visitors are received. And the really BIG challenge is how they treat a visitor who comes alone. Most churches flunk the latter big time and many don't do very well with the former either. I didn't go to these churches to critique them, just to see what was happening out there. What I found was pretty sad. NO church had more than 200 people. These churches are located in large urban-suburban areas. Two of the churches are located in cities of 160,000 people. Two others are located in smaller communities/areas of I would guess about 50,000. So 200 is abysmal because in my area there just aren't that many evangelical churches compared to an area like the South for example.

I visited a Foursquare, Sovereign Grace, Word of Faith and a PCUSA church (but more evangelical than the usual PCUSA church). And here is my report. These churches may or may not represent others of their denomination/network.

Almost all of the churches lacked the sense of the Holy Spirit moving through them. The Presbyterian one had the best worship believe it or not. It wasn't forced or canned. I felt some of the Spirit moving through the praise group. It was also the friendliest, although I did go with a friend, not alone.

The Foursquare's music was waaay too loud for the small church space. And I felt it was forced. By forced I mean the praise team "tries" to get into the mood of the Spirit, but it's no go. The Word of Faith was the same way and so was the Sovereign Grace church to some extent, but it was a little better than the former two.

How Was I Greeted?
It's always interesting to see churches' reactions when someone comes alone. Most churches don't think there are people who are single. So, when one comes to their church for the first time, they looked awestruck, as if you arrived from Jupiter. The friendliest church was the Presbyterian. The worst was the Word of Faith and Sovereign Grace. None of them had anyone who offered to sit with me or guide me through the service.

So, here is a blow by blow description of what happened in each church.

First Week: Foursquare
As I walked in the door I was greeted by the "door people" (official greeters) but not with the usual robotic "Hi, glad to have you" speech. These people seemed to realize that this was my first time. They were nice and more real than usual door people are. But no one offered to tell me where to sit or to sit with me. I went into the church alone and sat next to a lady who said hello. The people in front of me turned around and said hello. So far so good. But that didn't last long. I looked to the side across the aisle and saw the few over 60's sitting there. Oops. I'm sitting in the "wrong" section. Well, too late now...the service is beginning. The music was ear shattering for the really teeny tiny sanctuary. I thought I was going to lose my ear drums. There was a middle aged babe on keyboard who was trying to dress and look like 27. As the service ended the pastor asked her to come up with him. Oh my Gosh! I then realized she was the pastor's wife. Oh boy.

I didn't hear the pastor preach as there was a woman guest speaker. She was so anointed that I almost fell under the Spirit (sorry for the Pentecostally speak--but this was a Pentecostal church...:) She was excellent and really ministered to me, not only in what she said, but in spirit too. I saw a woman on the elderly side who was in a non-church class I was taking and so went over to see her after the service. We ended up chatting as we left the church so I left with a good feeling. But what would have happened if I hadn't been talking to anyone? Would I have left the church by myself without anybody noticing? I probably will never know.

Would I go back to this church? Yes, most probably. It had a real family feeling and I think I would be able to connect there. I would just have to wear earplugs.

Second Week: A Sovereign Grace church

I walked in and had the usual robotic greeting. Then I looked around and didn't have a clue as to where the church met. There was no door. So now what do I do? I stood there looking like an idiot and then to my left, my eye caught a small sign with an arrow that said "auditorium." "Well," I wondered, "maybe that is where the church meets." As I walked toward the sign a woman was behind a table. I asked her if this was the church and she was very nice and helpful. She said, "yes," and explained that they shut the doors to keep the air conditioning cool inside. I opened the doors and walked in. Immediately I saw two elderly women sitting near the back so thought they might be my ticket to not being alone. I went over and introduced myself and they seemed happy that I was visiting. We had a nice chat and then one said, "Well, it was nice meeting you but I have to go sit with my husband near the front." OK, I thought, no problem. But then, a few minutes later, the other lady said, "Well, it was nice meeting you" and walked away toward the front leaving me alone with screaming children running all over the place and parents who weren't especially concerned about this. It was absolute chaos in this church auditorium and the service was about to start. So, I decided to get bold and followed after the lady and asked if I could sit with her. She said "yes," and turned out to be very nice and helpful to me during the service. The music there was loud too but a it was in a larger room to accommodate it. I had never heard Sovereign Grace music before. It was kind of 7/11 stuff but with hymn-like words and more postmodernist music. During the worship, at times, someone would come up and say something and the music would stop. Then the music would start again and later another person would come up and say something. Fortunately I had been in Pentecostal churches for 19 years so I guessed this must be some sort of prophetic word. But nothing was explained. When I was at Jack Hayford's church many moons ago he always explained to visitors what was happening. He was particularly sensitive toward non-Pentecostal visitors. Maybe that would be something our Charismatic and Pentecostal churches could think about doing.

After the music time they served communion and I had no idea if this was like other Reformational churches where communion is only open to members. So, I asked the lady next to me and she said, "Oh no. It's an open communion. " Again, no explanation for visitors. At announcement time the pastor talked about a member who had been in a disastrous accident and was just holding on. He said that church members had gathered to pray and cry out to God for this man. I wished he believed in Healing in the Atonement. Then they wouldn't have to cry and plead so much. The only hope this man has IMO is the love the church has for him and those prayers just might do the trick. But it would be so much more effective if this church would learn about how to pray for healing. And that was a concern I raised with Sovereign Grace churches in another post a few years ago. This really isn't a criticism -more like sadness that these people feel as covenant people they have to cry and plead and beg God to heal them. I expect that with a non-C/P church, but not a Charismatic one.

The sermon was long and boring and I fell asleep, which is unusual for me. But I thought the pastor seemed nice and sincere. Sadly, I didn't sense one ounce of the Holy Spirit present throughout any of the service, although I did sense love of the congregants for each other and a lot of sincerity. As the service closed, visitors were given a ticket for a free Sovereign Grace demo CD from their bookstore. I went to the small bookstore off the lobby and gave the man behind the counter my ticket. He never said a word to me; no - "Welcome to our church;" - absolutely nothing. I thanked him and walked out of the church with no one saying anything to me.

Would I go back to this church? Never.

Week three: PCUSA Presbyterian Church
It's really sad for me to have to say that many times the mainline churches and even the more liberal ones really know how to treat visitors. But somehow, and I have seen this for my 43 years of being an evangelical, the evangelical churches usually have poor social graces. It's not that they don't love people. They just do not know what to do with them or how to relate to them.

My friend wanted me to go to this church and so I did. Overall people were very accommodating and friendly to us. It would have been interesting to see how I was treated if I had gone alone. I think I would have been treated well. The praise part of the service was excellent. The Spirit was moving. The pastor's sermon was pretty good although I disagreed with some of his points but I don't hold that against him or the church. It's just a difference fo theological orientation. My friend and I were invited to coffee time held after the service and we went. Everyone was friendly and we had no trouble connecting with people. As we left several said goodbye and told us they were glad we came.

Would I go back to this church? Perhaps. I only say perhaps because I don't see me fitting in there and the theology isn't up my alley. But overall, I think others who would fit in would find this church a real gem.

Week Four: Word of Faith church
If you don't know what a Word of Faith church is, think Kenneth Hagin and Kenneth Copeland. I spent 8 years in these churches and saw the good, bad and ugly. I had visited this church before about 10 years ago. WOF churches have large turnovers, at least out here they do. About every 3-5 years they get a new church membership. Usually these churches here don't have more than 150 people at one time.

I walked in and was really OVER-welcomed. I was told if I needed healing I really needed to ask the huge guy who greeted me first and wanted to give me a "BIG hug." I shook his hand. I never said I needed healing and since I don't know this guy, I would probably not ask him or anyone in a church where I didn't know anyone to pray for me. But maybe another time. I went in and the lady handing out the bulletins greeted me. She looked spacy with this frozen smile on her face. I went and sat down. I don't think there were 20 people there but this was Labor Day weekend. The air conditioning wasn't working and it was 104 outside here in the L.A. valley areas. They were very nice and offered bottled water during the service and had the ceiling fans going. It was baptismal day and they didn't start the service until 20 minutes late. Nine children got baptized as well a three adults. When the service started the pastor said they were going to baptize first. He went into what baptism was and said that sprinkling was not baptism and churches who did that were not correct. Dipping was the only Biblical way. I guess he didn't realize that his only visitor (me) attends one of those water-sprinkling Presbyterian churches. But I understood what he was saying and didn't take offense. After baptism we sang some really not-anointed praise songs. The praise leaders really were trying to get something going--but in my estimation they were trying just too "hard." But then, in the heat, I was surprised they could even sing and play up thereon the platform. The pastor preached on unforgiveness and it was pretty good but it was the usual unforgiveness sermon without telling us HOW to forgive. If you listen to Copeland he is very good at telling how to forgive. I hope this pastor will listen to him on this subject. I learned afterwards that they have a fellowship coffee after the service in another room. No one invited me. I actually had known someone who attends this church so talked to her a bit. Then I had a question for another person and then left.

Would I return? Probably not, with the exception of nationally known speakers they sometimes have for special meetings.

And that ends my summer odyssey of church visitation. Not a real happy experience. What are your experiences? Has anyone out there gone to a church the first time alone