How to Wreck a Church

First, stop preaching anything about what Jesus really did at the cross. Make vague statements like "He redeemed us, or, " He reconciled us." But don't give any specifics about why He did this or how you can get in on it and get it to work for you.

Second, Herd everyone into age groups so the teens and younger adults won't ever be discipled or have input by older members. Also, don't do anything to upset already existing clique groups.

Third, If starting small groups, let anyone lead them and never supervise or check up on what they are doing or how the group is faring. Always take the group leader's word for what is happening in their group. Never, never put people in groups according to geographical location as this will upset their cliques. Don't communicate how to join these groups to new people as this will also upset the cliques (they really don't want anyone new in their group).

Fourth, Separate singles from marrieds since we all know those awful single women will steal the married women's husbands and the single men....well...they are just weird, so why would married people want to be around them? So, keep the singles separate. Of course, there are pitfalls to this, namely that these people will eventually be so dysfunctional bouncing off each other that any marriages that come out of this group will be equally dysfunctional. However, this can be a good thing for the Christian therapists in your church since it'll increase their business.

Fifth, in order to keep those at bay that think your teaching is too shallow and the youth group does nothing but have fun, talk a lot about helping the poor and once in a while have an outing to help the poor. This will keep away any criticism as those who are criticizing will feel shamed coming against a church that "helps the poor."

Sixth, "believe Go for a budget that is way beyond practicality for your church. Then, when your church is knee-high in debt, pressure the congregation for money through guilt techniques.

Seventh, don't communicate well. This keeps the members off-guard and the criticism at bay. If they never know what is happening, I mean...what harm can they do?